Thought Patterns

Arrgh. I hate this!

I went to bed at around 12:30, a little earlier than usual but I'd been up most of the night before. Laid there until 1:45ish. Dozed off until 3ish. Then woke up at 5ish. And here I am. Awake.

Part of the problem is I am hating my CPAP mask. I can't breathe out very well and it drives me nuts!

Good news is that I did some editing/smerging/writing last night and hope to pick it up again today. I went through all of my BG3 versions and made a text file of notes of what each one had, what I thought of it, etc. If it weren't like, oh, 300 pages total, I'd print all the versions out, take a pair of scissors, and cut out the parts I like, tape it together, make notes, and rewrite it.

Hmm, sounds like I may need to get a new printer cartridge.

If you've not been reading this blog long enough, I'll update you: I have sleep apnea and insomnia. I often ramble in the wee hours of the morning after pulling another night of no sleep. Sometimes, those ramblings are funny. Other times, they are psychotic.

At any rate, here's bits from a 3 page news article from Wired News about sleep:

Wake-Up Call for Sleep Tech

"Sleep is the new sex." So says psychologist Arthur J. Spielman, associate director of the Center for Sleep Disorders Medicine & Research at New York Methodist Hospital in Brooklyn, New York. "People want it, need it, can't get enough of it." The same could be said of profits. Spielman is co-author of The Insomnia Answer (Perigee Books, 2006). He is also developing light-delivering goggles that are supposed to help people reset the circadian rhythms that govern when they nod off and wake up, so they fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer.

(snip)

And so many medical marketers to pick up the slack. "The ideal drug?" asks Gary Zammit, director of the Sleep Disorders Institute in Manhattan and chief of Clinilabs, which provides clinical trial services to pharmas. "An insomnia vaccine: You get it once and you'll never have insomnia again."

(full article)

I am over at Wikipedia, looking up time stuff–in particular circadian rhythms. The science of studying circadian rhythms is called Chronobiology or Chronomics.

The University of Virginia has an interesting section called Biological Timing Tutorial, in addition to a decent glossary of time/circadian terms.

Another term used is biorhythm although there are skeptics who say it is not a science but a pseudoscience.

I am not a morning person. I am more of a night owl. My most creative time period is from 4-6pm until at least 1am. I also do not like sunlight. I wear sunglasses even when it is raining (I am of the opinion diffused lighting is worse than non-diffused). I also have sleep apnea, but I don't see how that could be related to my night-owl-ness since I can snore loud enough to rattle windows no matter where the sun is.

What has always bothered me is that everyone is so concerned with getting the circadian rhythm reset either through light therapy or other means. Insomnia is a greater concern, true, but what if I get my 8 hrs in the day time? Not much can be found about night owls. I am still looking.

(as an aside, the Skeptic's Dictionary has an entry for alien abduction. Not sure if I want to read it or not tho)

Mind too fast
Brain too hyped
Can't sleep

Wish I could turn it off
Wish I could shut them up
Can't sleep

Awake is my martini
Good mood–awake
Bad mood–awake
Something on my mind–awake
Can't sleep

Eyes won't stay open
But brain won't shut up
The roar is too loud
Can't sleep

###

The universe is a constant dance. Swing your planet, do-si-do. Orbits are synchronized to within a nana-second. Early humans used the sun to keep track of time. Stonehenge is one example of how old the concept of time is.

Inside of all of us is a clock, a rhythm that is still ticking, despite us being far removed from the hunters/gatherers. Some people can tell themselves to wake up at X o'clock and they do, right on time. Others wake up the same time every day, no matter the day.

They say dogs have no sense of time. Tell that to the dog that awaits the bus at the same time every week day. Tell that to Jake who, starting at 3:15pm on the dot, will start demanding dinner.

Some folks need that 8 hrs, others function just fine on less or more.

Me? I'm all screwed up. Night Owl poster child. It is as if my clock is just never set right. It's not blinking 12:00 like the VCR. But it's never right.

I got stuff on my mind and didn't sleep last night. Haven't napped yet today. I am trying to stay awake as long as I can in an attempt to reboot my clock again. I don't think I will make it till 8.

Wikipedia:

Insomnia is a sleep disorder characterized by an inability to sleep and/or to remain asleep for a reasonable period during the night. Sufferers typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or 'rest their mind' for more than a few minutes at a time. Insomnia is often caused by fear, stress and anxiety.

WebMD:

Insomnia is a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep. People with insomnia have one or more of the following symptoms:

* Difficulty falling asleep
* Waking up often during the night and having trouble going back to sleep
* Waking up too early in the morning
* Feeling tired upon waking

Merrian-Webster Online:

Main Entry: in·som·nia
Pronunciation: in-'säm-nE-&
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from insomnis sleepless, from in- + somnus sleep — more at SOMNOLENT
: prolonged and usually abnormal inability to obtain adequate sleep
- in·som·ni·ac /-nE-"ak/ adjective or noun

Ever since I was a kid, I had trouble falling asleep. I had my bedroom ceiling memorized. I traveled to distant worlds, was a heroine to the masses, all sorts of visualizations in attempts to get myself to go to sleep. As an adult, I plan decks, rearrange furniture, and renovate the house. Again, attempts to distract myself enough to go to sleep. I take the energy my silly brain has and I direct it somewhere, hopefully in one place. corralling it this way often calms it down enough to fall asleep.

I have used meditative visualizations, such as seeing a rippling pond and making it calm. But monkeys keep coming up and slapping the water, making more ripples. Sometimes one will just tap it with a finger. And, when I start thinking of something else, a train goes by. Yes, this really happens. I am very literal at times. (train of thought, get it?)

I also don't do anything in bed other than sleep or, well, you know, that other stuff I don't read in bed, I don't eat in bed, I don't lay there just for giggles. On the first night, I usually just let it happen. Sometimes it is because I have something on my mind but I am not sure just what it is. On the second night in a row, I go to bed at midnight, try to sleep. If I am awake in thirty minutes, I get up. I stay up for 30 minutes then try again. And no matter what time I go to sleep, I make myself get up at the same time each morning. Well, there abouts. Usually that falls between 8:30 and 9:30. When I am having a bad bout of it, I will set a bed time and a wake up time and I will stick with it. This seems to reset my internal clock somewhat.

There have been studies done lately on the biological clock all organisms seem to have. Plants have them, mice do, and so do we allegedly more evolved humans. Part of my problem with insomnia is that I am also a night owl. Add to that the fact that I have no regular schedule, and you have a mess that is Me.

Sometimes this phenomena results in some good writing. My brain is in hyperdrive and needs an outlet. Most of the time, however, I am so twitchy that writing just isn't possible.

Stephen King wrote a book called Insomnia, according to Wikipedia. I've not read it and most likely won't. I am not a fan of that genre. I found myself wondering this morning that if I wrote a book of fiction where the main plot/theme is insomnia, what would it be like?

Some of my best prose (poetry, essays, ramblings) is done while in the midst of a series of insomnia nights. The freaking brain, craving its REM sleep, does all sorts of cool things to try and get the human's attention. Before I got my CPAP, I used to be able to manipulate my dreams. But now that I get deep sleep, my brain has had a fun time paying me back.

One problem, other than the obvious, is that if I do come up with some fantastic plot fixes or book ideas, unless I write them down, I won't remember them. My over-worked and under-appreciated brain withholds all the cool stuff I'd like to remember. When I am finally able to sleep, it is as if I wake up to a clean slate. (this actually happens every morning. Lorna wakes me to give me some "empty stomach" meds; we talk, I go back to sleep, she leaves for work, later in the day she'll bring up something that we talked about and I'll just stare at her, having no clue what she is talking about. I don't remember a thing. She used to get so mad at me because I'd not do what I said I would do. After 15 yrs, I finally have her leaving me notes.

Okay, well, maybe I will try to go to sleep now for a few hours. I got the gapes something fierce.

From Science Daily:

Deep Sleep Short-circuits Brain's Grid Of Connectivity

In the human brain, cells talk to one another through the routine exchange of electrical signals. But when people fall into a deep sleep, the higher regions of the brain - regions that during waking hours are a bustling grid of neural dialogue - apparently lose their ability to communicate effectively, causing consciousness to fade….

Tononi and his team observed the disconnect when brief, magnetically generated pulses of electricity were directed to specific regions of the brain. The pulses stimulated an electrochemical response from the targeted cells, which, when the subject was awake, rippled across the brain, traveling along networks of nerve fibers to different cerebral destinations. But when the subject was in deep sleep, the same response was quickly extinguished and did not travel beyond the stimulated cells.

Then I did a search for "insomnia" and this article was listed:

Study Indicates Majority Of Patients Complaining Of Insomnia Are Diagnosed With A Mental Disorder

PULLMAN, Wash. — A new study by Washington State University researchers reveals that among patients seeking medical care for insomnia, more than half were diagnosed with a mental disorder. The most common diagnosis was depression.

I easily see the connection between the two articles. My conscious neurons are engaging in open communication and they are very depressed about it.

Had a fit of creativity last night, er this morning, whenever, and managed to create an almost single page synopsis of BG1. The draft was two full pages which then got whittled down to just over a page. Whittled is such a mild word, actually, Hacked and diced would be better terms.

I also worked some more on the agent query letter, although I didn't make much more progess than before. I haven't looked at either of them yet today (for some reason I slept until 10).

I have an appt. in just a few minutes so I need to head out the door. Because we are down to one vehicle, Lorna had to take the day off. Of course, she hates it tremendously and is taking her frustration out on her Majongg.

Okay, well, time to go get shrunk. Later!

UPDATE:

My counselor and I decided I will come off Mt. Dew. I may go through withdrawals. :rolleyes:

She is hoping that cutting down on the caffeine intake will help with my insomnia. I doubt it but I'll give it a whirl.

After the appt., I came home for a short time then we went out to eat. Lorna and I discussed all of my projects. She wasn't aware I had so many! She helped me with a plot-hole, though. We also discussed the query letter and synopsis. I think she is getting the idea that writing is not only about typing out the story. Now if only I could grasp that….