Former Ramblings of an Insane, Lesbian, Book Writing Crip
My novel, To Sleep, is off to the two beta readers! May their eyes not bug out and may their brains not turn to mush.
After the editing, chapter adjustments, and putting back in a scene, the word count is 99,116. The ‘cuts’ document is 17,745 words.
I really like this novel. But, like I just told the beta readers in their email, I don’t want this one to languish in perpetual re-write like poor Simple Sarah.
Now, to work on a synopsis. I hate those things.
I have finished my science fiction novel, To Sleep. I have edited it (twice) and am now going through and putting in chapter breaks. No, I don’t do them as I go. Tried that once. It was a freakin’ mess.
Which means I am in need of beta readers. The novel is roughly 96K words. And, like I said, it is a science fiction.
I am still working on the synopsis so I will put a bit here. If you are interested, email me or use the contact form. Be aware this novel has lesbians in it. And it is not very nice toward heterosexuals on the whole (I’m mad at most of y’all anyway). There are no sex scenes but there is mention of boobs and liking them. Oh, and there’s cussing. The f word flies about quite a lot. So, if none of this appeals to you, don’t volunteer. I really wanted to submit it before the GCLS con in June but I don’t see that happening (forgot I had to do a synopsis and those are things you just don’t whip together at the last minute). So I am aiming instead to submit it when I return. Therefore, I need your opinion no later than June 18th.
So what I am needing is someone to read it through and tell me how it went. Did you get thrown out of the book? Was there something that didn’t fit? Is there something missing? Was it believable? Etc etc. I am NOT looking for a “yeah, I liked it”. I am not looking for someone to edit it (unless something jumps out at you, then sure, tell me).
Below is a bit from the first chapter.
I woke up later to someone was banging on my door. I stumbled to it and looked out the peek hole to see Jose in his rainbow pajamas. I removed the chain and opened the door. “What the fuck are you doing? It’s–” I squinted at the clock. “Three a.m.”
“Comeoncomeoncomeon” He kept saying as he grabbed my hand and dragged me down the hall to his place. His apartment was one of the big ones even though it was just him. He was some sort of computer geek for some big company. He had this huge television. And I mean huge. As in my bed was smaller kind of huge. Watching football on that thing was better than being there in person.
Right then, his big ass television was showing a very tired Ray who was now in what looked like a press room. His hair was still glued in place but his eyes had dark circles under them. Someone really needed to relieve the guy. Unless this news was so big, he’d drop dead before he stepped out of the limelight.
Next to the big television were two others Jose had moved out of his office. One had the “All News, All the Time” channel and the other was on a local station. This one showed downtown Philly where cars were parked in the street and people seemed to be rioting or something.
“I knew you had to be sleeping and I waited as long as I could before waking you. You know about the asteroid or did that happen after you went to bed?”
“Last I heard, it had changed trajectories or whatever then Ray there got interrupted and there was a big ruckus.”
“Ah, well, you at least have some sort of clue. Here.” He picked up a wireless keyboard and quickly typed something in. The screen showing the news channel changed to his desktop screen then to a video. “Poor Ray is rambling through most of this so I’ll keep him on mute. That is the asteroid.” Jose looked at me to make sure I was following along.
“That’s the grainy image I saw, yes.”
“What interrupted poor Ray was telescopes and radar picked up this.”
On the screen was a slow moving white-ish blob. Jose tapped his keys and the recording sped up. As the blob came more into focus, even I could tell this was no asteroid. It was too smooth, too round. And it didn’t tumble or even rotate. It looked like a egg with the narrower end facing the camera. “Amateur astronomers were following this before the other one changed its course. This is their recording of it.” He tapped some more. “This is Spitzer-Webb looking at it.”
There were no crater pock marks on its surface. There were very little shadowing at all. “What is it?”
“This.” He clicked again and this time the image was very crystal clear. It was the biggest egg I’d ever seen. “It is stationary now. Parked itself in geocentric orbit over the Atlantic between the moon and the ISS3. The other object is slower but is coming to about the same area.”
“Ooookay. What the fuck is it?”
“Probably friends of these guys.” He tapped some more and the image changed to show two other whatevers. These were blurry again so I assumed they were either further away or were moving. “This is them an hour ago. Lemme see where they are now.” He did his thing with the keyboard and soon the image cleared. One of the objects was more arrowhead shaped, but instead of being flat, it was fluffed up with projections and angles. The other was a box. A very square box.
I couldn’t help myself. I guffawed. “The Borg?”
Jose laughed, too. “Yeah, the ‘Net is all over that theory.”
“Do I want to know whose system you are tapped into to get these images?”
“Doesn’t matter, I don’t think.”
“So, what, aliens?”
“No, dumbass, it’s the Russians.” He elbowed me. We had long debated that Russia’s continued failures to go further than the moon was because they were hiding something. They couldn’t be that bad at it. “Ray is waiting for a news conference to start. Meanwhile, the nutjobs are out in force.” He nodded toward the other small screen that showed the rioting downtown.
“Let’s show the aliens how stupid we are.” I mutter. “I probably should head to the hospital. They’re going to need all the help they can get.”
“No way. You can’t get there from here. Not even on your bike. Look.” He did some more with that magical keyboard of his and the big screen changed. Ray was put into a box in the upper middle while the rest of the view was about a dozen traffic cameras. Traffic jams, burning cars, accidents, rioting. Every road was blocked.
“Holy shit. How long has this been happening?”
“An hour or two. Like I said, I figured you’d need your sleep. Then when these things showed up, I knew it was time to wake you.”
Wake me. It seems as though I am still waking up. Something new each time I open my eyes.
See, soon after that, my alarm went off. Jose looked at me. He was kind of sad and I started to ask him why but he waved me toward my apartment. He told me I ought to go turn off my alarm and I moved to do so. Before I got to the door, I felt a buzz and it was as if I got lighter, like I’d stepped into a bees nest and they were lifting me.
Then I woke up.
We did some work on the dog ramp again. Nothing major, just added a railing. But the railing is about shin high to us so it is odd.
Joella does this thing we call “the bunny hop”. She barks and raises up so her front feet leave the ground. It’s just an inch or two. The more excited she is, the higher she goes. It’s funny to watch. Anyway, I was out back, on the side of the house with the dog ramp, and she was up there watching me. I can’t remember what I was doing. Anyway, she starts doing the bunny hop thing. She stumbles and her front foot slips off the top of the deck and she almost falls off.
We recently got a new riding mower (insert Tim Taylor ‘more power’ grunt) and I’ve been parking it in the back of the house. Joella loves to chase the lawnmowers and, not surprisingly, so does Mike. So I was using the new mower in the back near the dog ramp and saw Jo jumping and barking at me. Then she stumbled and almost fell off the edge again.
Then, a few days later, she is trying to come into the house but the boys are playing and they hit her. She falls down and nearly goes over the edge again.
We took the hint. We got some decking to make a nice wide railing and we put it up today. We wanted it high enough she could not fall but low enough they could see over it. We may later add a higher railing for human use but it’s not anything we are rushing to do.
This is Lorna standing on the ground as we put in the last piece. You can see how high the deck is on that side. It is even further down on the other side, where they do their looking and barking.
This is Lorna, Sam (the big guy), and Mike. Sam will no longer be able to jump from the ground up onto the deck (yes, he can do that with ease) but I think he’ll get over it. The railing is about chest high to him so it will be good. For some reason, Jo just would NOT come over to it. She didn’t want to so by george she wasn’t going to.
Finally, using her favorite treats, we get Jo to stand at the railing to make sure we got it good for her. We had to resort to measuring her and hoping we got it right because she just would not get near it when we were starting. Yes, she is a Princess. It turned out to be a little higher than we wanted but it will be fine.
We left an opening at one end because there just was no way to put in the railing without some redneck engineering. But when they do their barking and stuff, they are further down. We’re going to be watching to see if they move to that section just because there’s nothing there. (oh, and that’s my new lawn mower. A Cub Cadet.)
And here’s the finished thing. (click for larger version) And no, that railing at the end is not crooked. It is level. We think it is because the post on the left is higher than the post on the right so it looks tilted.
To refresh your memory (or to see what you missed)
Starting the ramp (12/7/09 – wow. has it been that long??)
Learning about the concept of “square”
And angles
Putting the boards down
Finished at last! (12/17/09)
Photos of it done (it snowed on 12/18 and covered it for over a week)
Still at it. Eegads.
I just cut a huge scene (over 4000 words) and finally got the thing below 100K. It is now at 99,367. The document where I put all the cut stuff (I save everything) is just 11,680 words. Doing some math, I’ve added over 10,000 words, almost as much as I’ve cut.
This is good.
I hope it doesn’t feel choppy. It does now so I’ll need to keep an eye on that. I keep having to check stuff because things have changed. Meaning the big plot change. Pain In The Arse.
Cut:
I did not recognize the Malon at the podium. Not that I had personally met that many. Like Mother Maya, she was a woman of power. Her clothing was a dark blue with white accents. It looked very similar to the brown uniforms of the security folk. Behind her sat four others, one of which was Mother Maya. I did not see Arrogant Bitch and Secretary but I did notice the four brown uniforms nearby. The speaker waited until there was silence before she began. She had her device in front of her but never looked at it.
“I am First Captain Rema. We who are the crew of Mother Five bid you welcome. We wish we could have met under different circumstances. The ship and her crew have traveled across a large portion of the galaxy you know as the Milky Way. During our travels we have met many sentient beings. Some we have assisted, others we merely observed and reported. We have seen planets with four moons and tides with waves higher than this room. We have seen planets with two suns that gave them just two seasons. We have met species who walked on six legs and built cities that would dwarf this ship. We have met species with mouths with four rows of teeth yet sang songs that would make us weep. This ship and her crew have visited your solar system on a regular basis as it is part of our route, for lack of a better word. When it was decided someone needed to be watching you more consistently, Mother Five volunteered with enthusiasm. For over fifty of your years, we have watched humanity in both its beauty and its horror. It is good to finally meet you in person.
Oy. What fun I am having. Not.
Still working on fixing the plot issue. It is going well, just tedious as I take out scenes or cut them up. I’ve taken out over 6,000 words so far. Not too bad but the bigger chunks are coming.
And the novel is still growing. Even with the words cut, it still is higher than when I finished. 103,810. I added in a scene so that helped. I need to read it over to make sure the seams fit.
Meanwhile, I am going to be buying my plane ticket for the Golden Crown Literary Society’s conference. Yay! I am looking forward to it. Except for the flying part. Me flying is a big adventure due to all the equipment and crap. And the flight times are so very strange. I can leave Minneapolis at 5am, 7am, or 5pm. So get there 2hrs ahead of time….what a PITA. But the Con looks like it will be fun. There’s some workshops I am looking forward to. As usual, there’s several workshops I want to attend but are at the same time. Never fails, does it?
I got nearly done with the first edits when a discussion with Precious brought up a flaw in the plot. And, of course, it is an integral part of the plot. And, of course, it is in the beginning. Which means some major re-writing.
So I am thinking of ways of how to fix it. For once, it’s a problem with not enough tension vs too much. What an odd problem for me.
Even with the cutting I am doing, the dang thing continues to grow. Right now it is at 101,936. Bigger than when I said the end.
Some of the growth is from where I rewrote a bit in the beginning. Chapter One is always my most difficult. In BGCFA, the first two chapters were dropped completely after the book was bought. They just didn’t move the story forward. In this book, I actually added a Prologue that is actually more of an epilogue. Ah, foreshadowing tastes so sweet.
No one can answer the question I posed the other day. I’m still waiting.
I found myself questioning my faith but I believe I have pulled my self out of that. I was deeply depressed. I respected Mr. Graham tremendously and considered him very knowledgeable on the Bible. Not any more. If he believes, as he says, that the Bible actually defines marriage at all, then he must be losing his mind. I had briefly hoped that it was Franklin Graham who was releasing the statement in his father’s name (oh how ironic that line is) but others say it cannot be due to the way it is worded.
“Watching the moral decline of our country causes me great concern,” said Graham, 93, who lives near Asheville. “I believe the home and marriage is the foundation of our society and must be protected.”
You’re right, sir, the home and marriage is one of the foundations of our society. Yet, you wish to deny me both. Why? You honestly believe that keeping me and others like me from marrying will automatically strengthen others? Please, sir, I wish to know. I can’t marry in this state anyway. The failing of this amendment won’t change that. So what is its purpose? Why are you so for it that you step outside of your long policy of staying out of politics? Why put down the people you say are such sinners? You aren’t bringing us closer to God by doing this. Instead, you are pushing us further away. If your God–I often wonder if I worship a different deity than you and others like you worship–considers me a sinner simply because who I choose to love, then I do not want to follow that god. Thank you, sir, for pointing this out to me. Thank you, sir, for tossing another stone.
****
Some news linkages about Mr. Billy Graham (I have decided to drop his Reverend title).
BibliFact Brief: Billy Graham and Marriage in the Biblical Sense
With all due respect to Reverend Graham, who has tended to avoid engaging in political debates about homosexuality and gay marriage, the Bible does not clearly define marriage. Nor is the Bible clear that God’s definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. Nor is the Bible straightforwardly applicable to any of the current policy debates about gay marriage, civil unions, and homosexuality.
Billy Graham and Amendment 1: A Tarnished Legacy
The fact that the 93-year-old Graham, who was born during the final days of World War I, supports marriage discrimination is not, in and of itself, surprising, when one considers both his age and his evangelicalism. What is rather surprising, however, is the fact that he’s made such a public anti-gay pronouncement at all. After all, the man has been essentially in retirement since 2007. Since that time, he’s left most of the right-wing craziness to his son, Franklin “President Obama may or may not be a ‘son of Islam'” Graham, and his daughter, Anne “9/11 was God’s way of getting back into the government and our schools” Graham Lotz.
Billy Graham backs North Carolina amendment to ban gay marriage
Graham’s newspaper ad will say: “The Bible is clear–God’s definition of marriage is between a man and a woman. I want to urge my fellow North Carolinians to vote for the marriage amendment on Tuesday, May 8. God bless you as you vote.”
The bill proposing the amendment says only a simple majority of votes is needed for the amendment to pass.
Supporters of the amendment hailed Graham’s endorsement.
“Reverend Graham understands that we as North Carolinians have a duty to preserve God’s first institution–marriage,” said Tami Fitzgerald, Chairwoman of Vote FOR Marriage NC, a group supporting the measure, in a statement. “We cannot be silent as activists work to radically redefine marriage–an institution that has been fundamental to our civilization for thousands of years.”
Opponents of the amendment lamented the move.
“While we were disappointed to see his endorsement it doesn’t change much,” said Paul Guequierre a spokesman for the Coalition to Protect North Carolina Families. The coalition, which includes pastors from across the theological spectrum, opposes the amendment. “We have respect for (Graham) but we will continue to work with our clergy on this.”
This will probably be the shortest post I have ever written. Or the longest depending on if I get wound up.
Will someone please tell me, without using religion, how my 22 yr relationship with the same woman in any way, shape, or form causes anyone else’s relationship to falter, fail, or not even happen?
Because if the only reason you have is that God Said So, then keep the law off the books. God also said don’t wear mixed textiles and to not eat pork. Yet there’s no law on the books forbidding either of these or the umpteen hundreds of laws also in Leviticus.
Rev. Billy Graham, you have fallen from grace today. I am very disappointed and I think God is too.
I am still editing To Sleep. No big surprise there.
What is the surprise is the word count. I ended it at 100,858. That gave me a lot of room for deleting the unnecessary. A few days ago, it dipped down to just over 98K which was fine. Still plenty of room.
I just saved it and happened to glance at the word count. 100,419.
Are the shoemaker’s elves coming in here in the mornings and adding stuff while I sleep?? I am beginning to think so.
Granted, I am adding a lot. Clarifying a few things. But none of it is unnecessary. Still, I am deleting sentences and paragraphs. I cut a huge chunk earlier. Yet, I am again over 100K.
How gloriously odd indeed.
I just checked the submissions guidelines for my publisher and their cut-off is 120K so I don’t have to hack and slash to make it fit. Or make an immediate sequel.