I got Simple Sarah back from D and R. They did an awesome job of reading it, doing some proofing, and giving quality feedback. Exactly what I needed them to do.
I went over the printed manuscript. D had squished it from 365 pages w/ 12pt font and double space lines to 95 pages w/ itty bitty font and single space lines. Eeegads, I need new glasses! Oh, anyway, I went over it last night, glancing at their notes, mainly. They knew it was a rough draft so they didn’t feel the need to truly proof it, but they did note where errors were startling or oh so obvious. They made comments about how they felt about a scene, what lines they liked, where they got confused, etc. I laughed at some of the errors they found. Like, in the beginning, they go to a pub called The Cracked Mug. Later, I must have forgotten its name and thought it was The Broken Mug. One of them noted “Did the mug break from its crack?” In another place, the recruits are on a force jog/march and at their first break, their packs are inspected. I said “Three recruits were found to have not all the required contents.” Snort. What were they missing? A kidney or perhaps part of a liver? D and R just underlined it and put a question mark. No snide remark on that one.
Their biggest problem was the name of the nation. In its beginning as a nation, it starts out as “Einthobia” then later, the nation changes its name as “Thobia” to signify an important part of their history. Both D and R hated it. Absolutely cannot stand it. R disliked it the most and had a hard time with it throughout the book.
So I need to rename it, you reckon?
The other nations on this continent are:
Nations of the Coalition:
-
Thobia – southwest
Freehold – north central
Algeanda – east of Thobia
Confederacy of Domains – east of Algeanda
Wain
Venial Commonwealth – north of Wain, east of Freehold
Frore
Bohome – northwestern most
Suggestions? I could really use some help.